My Boss Is Having an Affair With My Coworker — What Do I Do? Women Weigh In

Office affair


Leah Thomas
Leah Thomas866
July 14, 2024 at 8:29AM UTC

Dealing with a horrible boss seems to be a rite of passage these days.

One FGB’er wrote to our Community to describe her current bad boss situation. She's dealing with a supervisor who’s favoring another employee and hurting the company with his unethical behavior.

“I have a situation at work where my boss is having an affair with another employee on our team. Everyone knows but no one says anything in fear of retaliation,” she wrote. “My issue is that because of the affair, he cannot manage fairly and effectively."

She continued: "My job is to manage the company but I cannot do my job because he wants to make sure that it is just the two of them at all times. He treats us with absolutely no respect. Anytime we suggest new and creative things to grow the business, he shuts it down by saying "she" will take care of it. Now the business is suffering tremendously. He tries to demean and shame others … It has been said that going to HR is useless because HR only has the company's best interests at hand, not the employees. We are all under the impression to NEVER go to HR because they protect all manager and upper management."

A few FGB’ers responded, suggesting she find a new place of employment:

“Yeah - now’s a great time to find a new job!” one wrote.

“You just portrayed, like, my worst fear of a boss,” another said.

“That’s a hard place. I have been there. My only suggestion is to start looking for a new job before you get pulled into this. You still have time to save your career. Just move on,” one anonymous respondent wrote.

One woman gave two poignant pieces of advice:

“I’m all for the good fight. But if you’re not financially vested in the company and there is no whistle-blower policy, then it sounds as though it's time to move on when no one in upper management wants to listen,” she said. “However, if you really want to fight this, ALWAYS follow the company’s policies to the letter, and if there is retaliation against you in any form, find a good employment litigation attorney that gives free consultations so you can discuss your options. If there are no (or old) written policies, I’d leave very soon. All the best, I know how horrid this is!”

This FGB’er is right.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, you must first decide whether or not it is feasible for you to leave your company.

If you decide to stay, action should and must be taken, whether you feel HR has your back or not. As advised, follow your company’s policies exactly to ensure you cannot (legally) be retaliated against. But if you decide you can no longer handle the way your company is being unethically run, update your resume and being applying elsewhere, knowing fully you did the best you possibly could.

For other career-related questions, write to our Community for the advice from other Fairygodboss women!

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